How Not to Panic During Your First Manager Conversation

Hi, I'm Karina Schneider and this is Back After Burnout, a podcast dedicated to honest conversations and real strategies about returning to work after burnout.

If you're listening to this while on sick leave and recovering from burnout, I'm really glad you're here.

This podcast is for you.

Not to add pressure, not to hand you a checklist, but to offer guidance and perspective for when you start thinking about returning to work.

In today's episode, we're gonna talk about a moment that many people dread, that first real conversation with your manager as you prepare to return to work after burnout.

Whether you have a return date set or you're still figuring things out, this conversation can feel loaded.

You might be worried about expectations, judgment, or pressure to return before you're ready.

This is not the experience you should be having, if we can have it our way.

So let's talk about how we can replace that with feeling comfortable and confident instead.

Johan, not his real name, once shared with me how he burst into tears the moment his manager reached out for a call six weeks into his mental health absence.

He wasn't sure what the call was about.

He was worried he'd feel pressured to indicate a return date sooner than he was ready.

He still had unpleasant emotions about his work experiences and worried he'd say something he will soon after regret.

He wasn't just worried, he was freaking out.

If this feels familiar to you, you're certainly not alone.

These conversations often bring up fears around being seen as unreliable, losing credibility, or feeling like we have to prove ourselves.

It might also raise concerns about your job performance or worse, potential job loss.

This is very normal, but also manageable.

Research has consistently shown that the line manager has a tremendous influence, if not the most influence, on an employee's return to work experience.

So whether you love your manager or not, you do have to be thoughtful and strategic in managing this relationship because it can literally make or break your return to work.

A big caveat here that I need to acknowledge is this assumes your manager is someone you have a decent, even trustful relationship with.

I know this might not be the case for everyone if it's rather complicated or fueled with some conflict.

Some of the tips I will share could still be helpful, but you probably will need a neutral third party participant or potentially get some expert employment law input.

Having said that, the goal of this conversation is about establishing a collaborative stance with your employer and not about justifying your absence or making promises you're not sure you can keep.

This means you don't have to come in with a complete plan.

And you do have the right to talk about your needs and preferences.

And by the way, you should.

This is a two way conversation after all, not just you reporting back or them telling you what to do.

The best way to curb your concerns about this conversation is to prepare for it.

We know this principle well across different situations, and it's no different in this context.

Just because your employer initiates the conversation, I would highly discourage you going into that meeting without thinking through your own needs and goals.

So I'm going to walk you through a suggested set of topics which I hope will help you collect your thoughts and prepare your key messages, ultimately giving you a sense of calm and ease going into that conversation.

Now, there's quite a lot coming up, so feel free to pause and take some notes or save the episode for when you need it next time.

Ready?

Here we go.

Number one Appreciation.

Expressing appreciation towards your manager.

Making the effort to reach out can go a long way in starting off the conversation on a positive and collaborative note.

It shows you value that they are thinking about you and are making the time to connect.

This is not the time to speculate or second guess intentions.

Also, sounding appreciative doesn't mean you need to feel obligated to agree to what they might ask of you.

Here's what it can sound I appreciate the chance to connect or I appreciate that I've been able to take the time to take care of my health.

2.

Your status if you have time between the call invite and the call itself, talk to your healthcare professional to determine what you can say about your recovery process.

Remember, your health situation is personal information.

You don't need to disclose your condition or the details of your treatment or therapies.

It also matters when this conversation is happening.

Is it within your first few weeks of absence or rather towards the tail end where returning to work is already on the horizon?

We have to acknowledge here that while the employer should protect your rights, they will also need to make some decisions as to how your workload is managed or what can be communicated about your absence or return.

So being willing to share something appropriate about your status could help both sides in anticipating what's ahead.

Here are some examples of what this can sound I'm slowly feeling better and my healthcare provider and I are continuing to work on my recovery.

As soon as I know more about timelines, I'll be happy to get back to you.

Or I've made some big progress and my healthcare provider and I are starting to think about what a return could look like or my healthcare provider and I have agreed we could look at returning to work in about four weeks.

It would be great to talk about what that could look like while I continue to work on my recovery.

Number three what you need let's assume you are having this conversation shortly before returning to work, similar to your status, which we just covered.

Talk to your healthcare professional about what you might need from your workplace to help ease into work.

Things like starting at a lower percentage work time, flexibility to attend to your medical appointments or manage your energy levels, or adjusting your work responsibilities.

If you have a job that has particular stressors attached to it, like heavy physical work, shift work or a loud environment, your healthcare professional may suggest some modifications to your responsibilities or schedule.

Once you know what you need, you can then communicate it to your manager.

One tip to make this effective is to take into account mutual benefit.

At the end of the day, your employer needs a job to get done, so framing your requests in a way that helps accomplish that goal will likely make your manager more receptive to it.

You can say something like it's important to me to be able to get back to productivity and contribute to the team again.

There are a couple of things that would be helpful and I wonder if we can talk about how to make that happen.

Number four Check in rhythm Another thing you can discuss with your manager is a way of checking in regularly if you are still on sick leave.

You can decide if you want to be contacted or not.

It's quite common for employers to not be in touch in order to not be perceived as disrupting your sick leave.

But if you have a strong positive relationship with your manager, this could be a good way to stay connected and feel like you are less cut off from your workplace.

Once you are back at work, a regular check in rhythm is a good way to talk about your progress.

Revisit some of the support requests we talked about previously and really avoid any surprises down the road.

5.

Your manager's questions or concerns as you're having your conversation with your manager, pay attention to what questions or concerns they might be having.

They might be explicit about it.

For example, they outright say we can't leave your job responsibilities unattended or we don't have the headcount to take over your work.

Or they might be a little bit more subtle and simply focus on testing out your likely return date.

Don't be afraid to simply ask, are there any questions or concerns I can help clarify based on what I know now?

Again, this shows that you care about your work and that you are committed to getting back to productivity without necessarily agreeing to the details.

Because this is a two way process.

Proactively asking also gives your manager the opportunity to be transparent about any challenges resulting from your absence.

The more information you have, the more you can work with and build into your preparation.

Finally, another topic that you might want to consider is the communication to the team.

Again, depending on the timing that this conversation is taking place, you may want to talk to your manager about what communication, if any, is needed.

For the broader team.

It's important that you get to decide how your absence and return is being communicated.

This is your story and it's important that your preferences and privacy are respected.

You might agree to say nothing at all.

Leave the message to simply be you are on sick leave.

You might agree to say just a bit more like you are focused on getting better and are looking forward to being back at work, but in the meantime you would prefer not to be contacted when it comes to actually coming back.

Part of the communication should include how much time you are working, what responsibilities you are focused on and whatnot.

This will help your team know what they can count on you for and manage expectations on both sides.

Now I know going through these six topics might sound like a lot.

Will you need to cover all of these in one conversation?

Probably not.

The timing of the conversation, what you are ready to talk about, what advice you get from your healthcare professional will all play a part in your preparation.

But today, having listened to this, you now have a set of messages, even language, to help make you feel more at ease with the idea of re engaging with your employer after your initial absence.

Remember Johan from the beginning of this episode.

After having thought through the topics above, Johan came back feeling really good about how that conversation went.

Everything he asked his manager for, he got.

Johan explained how helpful it was having these prompts, the time to jot down their key messages, and ultimately how it made him feel confident to advocate for himself.

Here's your key takeaway from today's episode.

Reflect on how you want to show up in this conversation.

There's a difference between showing up doubtful and unsure and showing up feeling grounded, collaborative and self confident.

Your mindset will translate into your words, so take the time to prepare.

Practice with someone if you have to.

This is not about having all the answers and having the perfect words.

This really is an exercise in your sense of empowerment and self advocacy.

Thanks for being here with me today.

Remember, you don't have to do the hard things alone.

I'll see you next time.