Should I stay or should I go?

If you are on the path of returning to work after burnout, there's a question that might be keeping you up at night.

Should I go back to my old job?

Or is it time to leave and start fresh?

It's such a common place to be.

In fact, many people going through burnout feel this instinctive urge.

I just can't go back there.

And you know what?

Sometimes that's exactly what's right for you, but not always.

Today I wanna explore this decision with you.

We're going to look at why this choice feels heavy, what really matters when you're making it, and how you can approach it in a way that brings clarity and not more uncertainty.

Let me start by saying this.

There is no perfect decision.

No matter how much analysis or reflection you do, there might not be one right answer where everything is certain, smooth and risk free.

But what we can aim for is good quality decision making.

This kinds of decision is hard, not because you are indecisive or overthinking, but because big choices like leaving your job are complex.

They touch on our sense of identity, security, values, and they come with a lot of unknowns.

Our brains don't like that.

We want certainty.

And when we can't have it, it's easy to get stuck in analysis paralysis, or go with what feels safest in the moment without seeing the bigger picture.

When returning to work after burnout, here's what this decision usually looks like in tangible terms.

Do I return to the same job maybe with some adjustments?

Do I look for a different job within the same company?

Do I quit and search for a new job somewhere else?

Or do I pivot entirely maybe into a different industry or rethink work altogether?

Each option has its own trade-offs.

When we are stuck with or facing an important decision, we tend to lean on the good old pros and cons list or some other framework that will help us rationalize our options.

I love lists like this and it feels good for about five minutes until we realize it hasn't actually helped.

Even with facts staring back at us, we don't necessarily feel sold to one option or the other.

I recently came across an article written by Mark Schein that explained this so well.

Mark is a surgeon, speaker, and author as well as a lecturer at the Harvard Medical School.

In the article, he says, and I quote " Simple pro con lists don't work for big decisions.

The problem isn't you.

The problem is that these methods are bound to fail, and that's because decisions, especially the big ones, are complex, intertwined, deeply emotional and deeply uncertain."

So instead of just making lists, let's slow down and look at the more thoughtful process that can help you make decisions that prioritizes the outcomes that you want and the values you want to live by, and reduces the impact of uncertainty.

First, gather the facts.

Start with what you know, how much of your burnout was caused by your employer or job

that going back is going to cause more harm than good?

What would staying mean for your financial or job security?

And what would it mean for your wellbeing?

Is your current employer a high trust environment where adjustments are possible?

If you were to pivot to a different way of working or to self-employment, what would that mean for your future employability?

What's the job market like?

Or is there an alternative you feel attracted to, but maybe it's more of a hobby or vocation disguised as a job?

The temptation to go self-employed after burnout can be high, but might not always be the right thing.

Take the time to do some fact finding, but be careful, this can be a trap for nonstop researching to compensate for our fear of making the wrong decision.

So I suggest time boxing the amount that you spend on doing this.

Second, check your values.

Set the facts aside and focus on the outcomes that really matter to you.

What values do you want to live by this time?

Is it stability, freedom, purpose, health?

And what are your non-negotiables around time and work and the environment?

We usually don't think about work in this way, but part of your recovery is holding onto stronger boundaries.

Now, this might sound a bit trivial, but one of the things that mattered to me was a dedicated quiet hour in the morning.

There was a time when breakfast went out the window between dropping off my 1-year-old to daycare and rushing to my first meeting of the day.

It was such an unhealthy routine that for a period of time after that, I held the pace of my mornings so tightly.

The realization of how important that part of the day was for me came late and turned into one of my strongest non-negotiables, workdays and weekends.

So spend a little bit more time writing your thoughts on these down.

It not might be a quick and easy one, and something you might need to come back to later.

Next, map your options.

Literally write them down.

Stay in the same role.

Stay with a company.

Find a different job.

Find a new employer.

Explore a new direction, go self-employed.

As you write these down, it might be that there are very obvious options to eliminate by choice or circumstance.

For example, staying at the same job or pivoting might be clear at this point as non options.

That's great.

The lesser options to work with the better.

You might also want to talk to a few trusted people in your personal and professional network to explore the implications of your options.

Now this step of exploring your options can be another trap of analysis paralysis.

When we find ourselves overthinking our options, the steps that come after this will help us avoid that and get closer to making a good quality decision.

Next.

I call this live as if.

Imagine yourself living in each of those options for a couple of days at a time.

You can do this in different ways.

You can create a routine that mimics your options.

You can expose yourself to similar work by yourself or by shadowing others.

You can sit in silence and go through a visualization exercise.

You can journal your thoughts to clarity as you explore each.

And as you do, pay attention to where do you feel ease?

Where do you feel tension?

What feels exciting?

What brings up dread or concern?

Don't judge any of this.

Just notice and take note.

Next, get quiet.

This is where discernment happens.

What do I mean by discernment?

I love this definition from Bill Burnett and Dave Evans in their book, Designing Your Life, which I highly recommend by the way.

They describe discernment as "decision making that employs more than one way of knowing".

We often rely on our cognitive functions as our way of knowing or judging or deciding, but they point out that the role that our emotions, our spirituality, our bodies, and our instincts also play in discernment.

Accessing other sources of wisdom, not just our brains.

To do that, it requires some quiet and stillness to be able to listen to these sources as they tend to be drowned out by the flurry of our days or the cognitive noise in our brains.

Tara Moore, author of Playing Big, puts it like this.

It's the process of going from the flurry of thoughts to a calm, centered knowing.

I remember when I was debating my options some years ago.

It was through this quiet and stillness that my options turned into metaphors.

One option, feeling like I was jumping off a diving board.

Scary but accelerating and exciting and energizing, and one option, feeling like I was stuck in a luxurious glass house safe, but trapped.

Metaphors like these can also help provide new insights as to what your options feel like to you.

So sit, breathe, ask for guidance and be willing to be open to what arises, and finally make the choice and move forward.

There's no failure here just learning and adapting.

If things go great for you, perfect.

If not, know that you've made a good quality decision and you can always reevaluate.

Use this experience as data to bank into your wisdom as you evaluate your next steps.

And by the way, it'll come in handy for future decisions too.

I wanna end with Tara Moore as she narrates in her book, a newsletter in Playing Big.

She wrote, there is a voice in each one of us that is unburdened by fear and untouched by insecurity that has utter calm, that emanates love for oneself and others.

And that knows exactly who we would be if we were brave enough to show up as our true selves.

She continues.

So when it comes to decisions, yes, explore options, gather facts, notice your thoughts and feelings about them.

And remember that a time will come to put down the analysis to integrate all you've processed and researched, and let it become only a constituent part of a whole self discernment process.

That also includes the body, intuition, mystery in a voice of higher wisdom.

Get quiet, connect with your body, breath and silence, and ask for guidance about the right path.

Allow yourself to be surprised with the answers that arise.

Allow a creative new way forward to emerge that often happens if you really quiet down and ask inwardly wait for an answer that brings you that sense of sweet, solid knowing.

If it hasn't come up yet, keep doing your un clouding work, centering, asking for guidance, and of course, trusting the timeline until clarity comes.

So to you, listening to this, losing sleep over big decisions, perhaps the best thing you can do for yourself is to get quiet and see what happens.

What matters most is that you choose in a way that supports the life you want to build now, the one that honors your recovery and your values.

Thanks for being here today.

I'll see you next time.