96 Dates, a Pandemic Move-In, and the Science of Finding Your Person

You know how everyone’s like “you’ll find love when you stop looking”?
Yeah… Kelly Brändli went on 96 dates. And then she found love. So maybe it’s time to retire that advice?

In this episode of So Frickin’ Healthy, Danna and I (Megan!) chat with Kelly—matchmaker, dating + relationship coach, and walking proof that you can absolutely science your way to love. We covered everything from emotional baggage and attachment styles to the hilarious logistics of seven back-to-back first dates in the same café. (Yes, really.)

🧳 Emotional Baggage Is a Carry-On Until It’s Not

Kelly’s story starts with heartbreak: divorce, single parenting, grief—and, like many of us—being totally unsure if love was ever going to feel safe again. She turned that heartbreak into data. Literal data.

Her dating journal turned into a 96-date experiment. Along the way? She discovered that the biggest thing holding most people back from love… is unprocessed emotional baggage.

Not just the “I miss my ex” kind. The kind that says:

• “I’m not lovable.”

• “If I get close, I’ll get hurt.”

• “They’ll leave like the last one did.”

And until you unpack it? You’ll sabotage everything good.

🧠 From Headhunter to Heart-Hunter

Kelly was a recruiter before she became a matchmaker—and she approached dating like a pro. Think: spreadsheets, patterns, hypothesis testing, and yes, even location-based dating speed rounds. (She literally bounced between two bars underground for back-to-back first dates. Iconic.)

But here’s the pivot: She didn’t meet her match because of the data. She met him because she did the inner work first. She got therapy. She got coaching. She worked on her attachment style. She stopped asking “Will he like me?” and started asking, “Do I even like him?”

That shift? Changed her life.

🔄 Why Letting Go Is Step 1

So many of us want love, but we’re still emotionally married to an ex, or stuck in shame from the past. Kelly’s big truth bomb?

“You can’t build a new relationship on a foundation of mistrust and fear.”

Mic. Drop.

Her advice: Before you worry about dating apps and profile pics, focus on becoming the one—so when love shows up, you’re not looking for someone to save you, you’re looking for someone to grow with you.

🛠️ Relationships Are Health, Too

This one hit me personally: Kelly went through major physical and emotional burnout post-divorce. Like, actual emergency heart surgery. Why? Because stress from toxic or failing relationships can manifest in your body.

And on the flip side? The Harvard study she mentions shows that being in a secure, loving relationship literally reduces chronic pain in old age.

Your love life is not separate from your health. It’s a major chapter in the story.

💌 Love Isn’t Just Romance—It’s Relational Fitness

Whether you’re divorced, single, “just taking a break,” or in a long-term relationship that could use a refresh, this episode gives you so much to chew on:

• Why attachment styles matter

• How your love language can make or break communication

• Why getting “dumped” doesn’t always mean something’s wrong with you

• And why the world really needs fewer “tall, dark, and handsome” checklists and more “do we have the same life map?” moments

🎯 Megan’s Real Talk Moment

Love isn’t magic. It’s work. It’s healing. It’s a little messy and a lot of showing up for yourself first.

Kelly’s reminder that you can be happy by yourself—and that’s the whole damn point—is the exact medicine we all need. Because when you’re good with you, love becomes a bonus. Not a rescue mission.

🎧 Listen to the full episode on [Spotify / Apple / YouTube]
💻 Take Kelly’s Emotional Baggage Quiz [link] and prepare to be (gently) called out in the best way.

🔖 Hashtags:

#RelationshipHealth #EmotionalBaggage #AttachmentStyles #LoveLanguages #DatingAfterDivorce #SoFrickinHealthy #ConsciousDating #SecureAttachment #HealthyRelationships #MatchmakingScience #LoveAndHealing #KnowYourWorth