Skinny Fat and Spontaneous: An Inside Look at Health Coaching - Session 3 Tina

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Hey Tina.

What is new and good with you?

it's been a while, right?

So I need to think about that question.

It seems so easy, but, um, Let me think.

Oh, I did go to that, doctor, I forgot her name.

Sorry.

so I went to, to see her and she was really, yeah, she was very nice and

very professional and competent and I really liked, you know, the kind of aura.

The calm, the calmness around her.

and because of a spontaneous important appointment I had to rush

out of the practice and I couldn't, you know, take the tests or give

the samples I wanted to give.

Um, so there's kind of another delay, but I mean, at, at least I did go

there, so I'm taking that win kind of.

so I have to go there again.

or I want to go there again.

Um, and the appointment, so this is also, you know, something that counts as big

news is that, do you remember actually that I. Maybe I also did mention it,

but if I did, do you remember that I said that our house it has been sold the

house that we live in and that, us and all the other neighbors, the contracts

got canceled and we all had to, you know, start looking for a new place.

So now, most of us actually found something new and including us, so.

Yeah, so that's nice.

And so we are moving, so that's exciting and scary at the same time.

and since this was such a great opportunity for us, the, the object

we found, yeah, we had to really, find like arranged with the new

landlord and landlady, to get the contract signed and everything.

So that's why I had to, it was only possible.

That week, that day during lunchtime, and I had to, and I, and I had

to take that and one only train, otherwise I would've not made it.

yeah, that's why I thought I could kind of get it all one under one hat.

But I think I had like a mix up about the time of the appointment because

I thought I had it at 10, but I had it at 10 30, so I was like, yeah,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: to back.

Yeah.

yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: you don't have to worry about it too much because anyways,

they don't do blood tests on the spot.

They will, they would've found another appointment for you to come

and do the tests that you need to do.

So it wouldn't have happened at the same, on the same day anyways.

Um, she said it would've because, um, bef when I made the appointment,

they asked me if I could come, um, in German, it's called sober.

I'm not sure if it's the right term in, in English.

So, so basically don't eat anything.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Right.

Right.

And, and don't drink anything sugary like only drink water and tea.

so when they said that we could immediately do it

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Oh,

to give the saliva and the blood test, and then they

wanted to give me something for the stool test to do at home,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Okay.

Wow, that's interesting.

Okay.

'cause they usually don't do that, but I guess they had the time.

yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: not sure they kind of figured it

They would've had the time.

Yeah.

They would have.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Did you manage to find another, appoint

another time to, to do the tests.

not yet.

I will.

I will though.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: No problem.

I'll though.

Yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Great.

Well, that's good news.

Any other, any other great news?

so there has been, I mean, I, I didn't do the grounding

thing because the thing is, I only remember when I'm already in bed

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah, of course.

and you're already kind of, you know, snuggled in and, and,

and this, and then you're like.

Oh my God.

I wanted to try the grounding thing and then, but then it's already like

warm a little blanket and also now the season is changing, so it, it was

not so attractive to go outside by that time, you know, at that hour.

And then I was like, okay, I, I do something else.

So I started listening to that super boring, um, audio book.

And it really helps, you know, to make me fall asleep within like 30

minutes, which is actually very good.

Yeah.

so I set a timer and I say, just turn yourself off.

And last night, and I want to try that a couple more times, actually,

the, it was very nice, so my husband and I get along a bit better.

So last night I, I was lying in his arms and, and I asked him about his

day, which I haven't done in a while.

To be honest.

I know I'm a horrible person, but you know, I just.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: No you're not.

No, you're not.

I, I haven't, I haven't asked him for a while, so, so he was, you could

tell he was like super excited that I was interested in his day, you know, poor him.

poor husband.

I know.

So I asked him how are you?

How was your day?

what were you up to?

How was work?

How was this, how was that?

And I was actually quite awake, So I was lying in his arms and he started

telling me about it and then this kind of connection that was taking

place between us and then him, telling me everything about his day and

telling me this and telling me that.

and then at some point I was like, dozing off.

Not because it was not interesting, but it was because it was so

nice and cozy and comfortable.

And I also told him, I was like.

Oh my God, this was, this is so nice.

Let me quickly go brush my teeth because I didn't expect that I would,

I might fall asleep with, right.

So quickly I was like, let me quickly brush my teeth, come back and then

you tell me the rest of it, right?

And we do it exactly the same way.

And then I come back and he's like, ah, you know, I realized

I haven't asked about your day.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Help me fall asleep.

Don't worry about me.

Yes, exactly . So I told him about it and he was like, ah, okay.

so then I actually fell asleep in his arms, which was super nice.

and then this morning he was like, but now I want to hear about

your day yesterday because, you weren't able to tell me about it.

And I'm also super interested.

So yeah, so I think we're, I'm not saying everything is like perfect and

rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.

But, you can really feel there's like an upward trend and there, and it's like

multiple things that kind of started to align again and yeah, so that's good.

what else?

I tried to work out more.

I didn't manage, I was at a friend's house and I stood on a balance I realized

I lost weight, but I realized it was not the good kind of weight you lose.

And I think what I am now is referred to as skinny fat.

So somebody dropped that term on me years ago, not because of me, but.

Because that person saw somebody in the gym and said, and this is somebody called

skinny fat, somebody who doesn't, work out, that much, is skinny, but everything

is squishy and I don't know, soft.

And I'm like, wow, this is a kind of mean, and I'm like, okay, I've

never heard that term before.

So I randomly remembered this.

thing that the person said years ago.

And, and back then I was like, super fit.

You know, there was no chance somebody could ever refer to me as skinny fat.

I mean, and now I realize this is me now.

This is, I, I'm, I'm super sure and I don't say it to

myself to be mean to myself.

It's more like of a realization and I'm like, okay.

it's really time.

To activate my muscles and to get moving to do something that's fun.

that really is also good for my back and stuff.

So what I did, I did go bouldering yesterday after work very spontaneously.

I am super proud of myself.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: You should be.

That's amazing.

How did it feel?

It, it felt amazing, really.

It was, you know, Squeezing my feet into this super uncomfortable climbing

shoes and, being among all these sweaty people and just, focusing on

one thing, one route, and then you look at that as some, not as a problem, as

a challenge, and you focus on it, on this and it really relaxes your mind

because you don't think about anything else because this is the one thing.

In front of you, the one thing you want to kind of challenge

yourself with and try to solve.

and then you start, trying things out.

And then you're like, oh, okay, this didn't work.

Okay, let me take a rest, lemme try it again.

in a different angle and with a different approach

. So I forgot how it felt and feeling this yesterday.

All of this.

It felt amazing, really.

It felt amazing.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: I love that.

It sounds like yesterday was just an incredible day because.

Yes.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: gave you that energy to put back into your relationship.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: I mean.

Probably make would make sense, right?

Danna Levy Hoffmann: I, yeah.

And, and what I love is that the exercise that you chose to do

combines meditation and, workouts.

you're working your muscles and you're working your body and

really with climbing, whether it's bouldering or, on the rope or

whatever, it really you're using.

Very different muscles to most other exercises.

So you're using small muscles as well as big ones and, and it really does

take a lot of focus and a lot of, Meditative state where are really

just focusing on reaching that top of that boulder, I mean, should have seen

your face when you said that you're so proud of yourself because that was

worth, was worth everything, you know?

This is just amazing.

I love that.

Well done.

Thank you.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Well, so when you were talking about, you know, I

tried to exercise and I didn't manage, and then you talked about going

bouldering spontaneously yesterday.

I was gonna ask you like, what do you think is the exercise

that will actually kind of work?

And it sounds like that is one option or maybe the option for you.

Do you feel that that is something that you can, let's start easy.

Do you think it can, it can be incorporated just once a week in some

Um,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: I.

once a week I think would be the aim, but probably I would, I'm not sure.

Um, so I was actually thinking about that, myself yesterday, like how can

I manage to do this more regularly?

and the problem is that I kind of committed To three bands,

which is, yeah , when I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous.

Right.

to three bands.

Luckily, I did some expectation management right up front

and I slowly built up on it.

So basically the one, one band I said from the beginning.

Okay.

Let's have a second singer.

So it's not everything is on me, and I would like to come only every other

week, like one week, her one week me And then, so the one band I go to every two

weeks, then a member of that band asked me, said one of our singers dropped out.

do you think you could join our band as a singer as well?

And I, I thought about it very long and I said, okay, I can do it under one

condition if it's okay for everyone, if it's really okay for everyone.

I only come once per month

because I looked at the set.

I know most of the songs.

I think one kind of intense, like one kind of session where we just.

Try to align is enough, if that is okay for you and the rest of the

men and then there was Eurovision Song Contest this year, right?

And out of this whole hype because, the company I worked for funded it.

So there was this whole, there was the, the workplace was crazy.

Everything was about Eurovision.

And in all this excitement, I somehow agreed.

To,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: I'm scared to hear this.

yeah, I somehow agreed, to collaborate with

people from another company.

and we also now meet once per month, so this is already basically

a once per week commitment if you take everything together.

So if I have another.

Something else that I do once per week.

So my head is really trying to, to solve this.

So what I liked about yesterday was it was so spontaneous, right?

Um, so I really want to do it and I want to involve my husband in it actually.

also because, now the indoor season starts when the weather is just simply too cold

and too wet and the indoor season starts.

So I ac actually asked him, I was like, because we used to climb together, we

used to do all the things together.

We used to go to the mountains together.

We used to go hike and I mean like really go for 4,000 meters peaks and stuff.

and now I'm like, should we try to slowly reintegrate this

into our lives and maybe do.

A family trip out of this, you know, we can take turns watching the kid.

And there's also a kid section in most of the, uh, bowler lounges and then

maybe, I mean, she will fall asleep and then we can even do it together.

this kind of thing.

So I think this is something that could work not every weekend, but

it could at least, I mean, maybe at least every two weeks I could do it.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I think I feel, 'cause if I commit to once per week, I know

that I will just be disappointed if I don't make it once per week.

You know what I mean?

Danna Levy Hoffmann: sense.

Yeah, definitely makes sense.

I wanted to ask 'cause I, I didn't even, I don't think we ever discussed

you, uh, being a singer and being in band, so that's kind of a, a

new one for me, but that's good

Ah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: to hear.

Um, how should I form this question?

I think I, I have a good kind of exercise for you to do in between

our calls, which I think might actually, answer my question, but

much Joy do these bands bring to you?

Are they all equally joyful?

Is it something that you look forward to or is it something that you feel

like I'm committed, I promise these guys that I'm going to be part of

the band and now it is what it is.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I, I thought about it.

I, um, I thought about it and.

Um, what

I have to say is they do give me a lot of joy,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Okay,

all of them, uh, because singing is actually a huge part of my life.

but at the same time, I think I should have just stick to one thing, right?

But I really, I really enjoy all of them.

And, It's not solely the I committed and I want to kind of keep my word thing.

It's really, they really do give me a lot of joy.

So when I, when I go and when I prepare and when I'm there and do the

singing and stuff, I really enjoy it.

for one of them, however, it's a little bit far away.

so when I go back home, I am super, super tired.

So for one of them, this is the only thing, right?

so when I go back home, I'm super, super tired, so I'm, I'm not

really sure how to solve this.

Um, I was thinking

, I don't know, maybe at least I go, I could go by car, but we don't have a car.

And, I dunno.

I will, I will, I think I will keep an eye on it and I will try

to reflect on this a bit more,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah.

actively, and see if I can, or if I should, take one of these out.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah.

I mean, I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other, I'm

just kind of curious as to what,

yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: you know, you're, you, you sound like you really, really

want to get more movement in and that, you have the bouldering, which

is also bringing you and your husband together and, and doing an activity

that you haven't done in a while.

so I'll explain about the, the.

exercise, that I'm thinking about, and I'll, I'll send it over to

you when we're done with the call.

I don't know if you've ever done these.

It's called the, there's so many names for it.

Wheel of Life or the, it's basically a circle usually, and

it's cut, like pizza, pizza slices of different parts of your life.

career, health, physical activity, relationships, things.

Okay.

There's probably a couple more that I'm blanking out on, but, Those are basically.

In the circle, and your job is just to reflect on how happy you are from one to

10 with that part of your life and just to market basically, like, you know, oh,

I'm, I'm not very happy with my, health.

So I'm gonna mark it at a three.

I'm super happy with my job.

I'm gonna mark it at a nine.

And then you just kind of connect the lines and you see the imbalance

or you see where you want to focus more on, in the, in that moment.

And that's is going to change throughout your life.

It's not something that you can reflect on in a year's time unless you just

wanna see how did I make these changes?

How do I feel about these changes?

But it's just gives you an idea of, oh, okay, so I can push these a little bit.

You know, I'm super happy with this, but I could work a little bit

less or go to one less band or to.

Eat more pizza 'cause I'm too healthy.

You know?

I don't know, I'm just making stuff up right now.

But you can see how you can stretch out the ones that you're not necessarily as

happy with while kind of tucking in the other ones that you're super happy with.

But can.

Give you a little bit more leeway with other things, can carve out a little

bit more time with other things.

So it's not to make you feel like I'm so terrible, I'm not exercising.

I need to change that.

And then overload yourself with one extra thing, but rather also to

see, okay, what are the things that I can adjust to help me to reach a

higher score in this, Thing in life.

Right?

In this subject in life.

so that's just something for you to, you know, just take, take a moment.

You can do it with your husband.

I think it's a, a beautiful thing to do.

Maybe each one separately and kind of discuss it a little bit or, or

do it for yourself really, whichever way you feel comfortable is good.

so basically you can rank all the different sections of your life,

like relationship, work, health stuff, and then, um, yeah, it says finances.

Career, education, body and health, creativity, inspiration, thoughts and

emotions, family and relationship.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah.

then body and health would be exercise, right?

And then,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: that's the thing.

So what I'm seeing here, I feel like this one is a little, it, it, they're trying

to combine different topics into one.

the one I would send you is a little bit broader.

mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: body, you know, health and exercise will be separate

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: you could feel healthy but feel like

you're not exercising enough.

Or you could feel, or you could exercise every day but not feel.

Well in your own body.

So I feel like it can be a little bit broader, but you can

definitely work with that as well.

You can look at both and decide which one

you

Sent me, I just

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah,

please send it to me.

I was just, uh, I just remembered it and then I thought maybe it's, this is

something what you mean, because then I

Danna Levy Hoffmann: it.

don't really kind of know what to do.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah, exactly.

So that's, that's basically it.

and you'll see it.

I'll send it with the instructions, but, uh, we can definitely

discuss it if you're unsure.

we can talk about it on the WhatsApp group.

from what I'm hearing.

First of all, you're naturally a lot more calm this time.

I think last time when we spoke, it was just after finding out that,

a dear person to you passed away.

And so there was heaviness from, from a lot of directions and it

feels like now you're a bit more grounded, if that makes sense.

Or a little bit more kind of reflective 'cause you're not

overcome with your emotions.

Which is obvious to happen when you lose a, a dear one.

I also know that we were in touch by WhatsApp.

You did mention that you, did Shiatsu

Yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: uh, there was one more thing on that.

You managed to go to sleep a bit earlier, at least one day of the week.

So those are also huge wins in my book.

I think those are great.

Did you manage to do more of those things?

Yeah.

So I, um, about my grandmother, I have people to talk to and we, you know,

we light up candles and also somebody said, you know, your grandmother was

also a lucky person because she got to meet her, great granddaughter.

So, so that's, she, she even became a great grandmother.

So, you know, that's not many people, uh, that can say that.

And then, so yeah, that kind of, helped me.

I mean, I still think of her and actually also thought of her this morning.

but that's, I think, we are kind of moving on.

I mean,

sometimes I'm irritated by the expression moving on, like as if

you would leave someone behind.

But that's not what it is.

It's, it's more like, we are adjusting to this.

new situation and yeah, and also the kind of how you process all the emotions

and how you handle all these things.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah

and then about the shiatsu, it was super nice and I managed to make

another appointment for this Friday.

So I admit, I wanted to have, I wanted to actually make like an

appointment for almost every week.

But, but then I forget.

But then when I forget, I decided, okay, but then, you know, it,

it just takes two minutes.

Come on, come on.

Just take your phone.

Do it, do it.

You know.

And then so, um, I made at, at least I made another appointment because the

last time was also a couple of weeks,

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Yeah.

couple of weeks ago.

I also managed to go to my physiotherapist.

She's very good.

I like her so much, but she really knows what she's doing and then she

really, you know, she really goes deep in there and, and it's, it's, it's kind

of mean, but in a good way, you know?

And she sometimes even apologizes.

She's like, I know, I'm so sorry, but it really will help you.

I'm like, I know.

Um, but yeah.

And then what was the other thing we talked about?

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Uh, there was a sleep.

No, but, but these are

Ah, the sleeping.

The sleeping.

The sleeping.

Yeah.

Um.

I mean, there's, I, I'm not sure if there are more better nights than the

bad ones, but at least they are good nights now because before there were

basically zero good nights, and now at at least have some good nights.

And it really, you cannot fully recharge or anything, you know,

with just a few good nights.

But I mean, it's something, and it kind of becomes a regular thing.

I, I have a feeling and I also feel like the more relaxed I am.

The, you know, the more likely it will also be that they will come

more often, so I decided to, every night I'm gonna ask my husband how

Danna Levy Hoffmann: that is a good that, you know, I explain to him that

he's a good sleeping pill for you.

I think that's that he would be happy too, because he knows that

when you're sleeping well, gonna be a nicer person the next day.

yes.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: will.

He sounds like a great partner and you'll probably be happy to do that, so

If he hasn't figured it out yet, I will explain the, ROI to him.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Exactly start with how your day was during dinner,

and then his time is when you're snuggling in bed trying to fall asleep.

I think that's a great win.

So listen, what I'm thinking about and tell me what you think, definitely

we'll do the circle of life.

I'll send it to you just for you to kind of get a, idea

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: it really is an eye-opener.

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: and then.

This is your challenge if you choose to accept it.

I am hearing that you are doing some things that are kind of a combination

of for you, but also there's a bit of stress involved, like the band or bands.

so I'm wondering if what we can do is this, if you can decide on.

Not including band on two more things that you can book during the week,

which can be on a regular basis.

It doesn't have to be on a, on the same day every time, on the

same time, every time, whatever.

But just a couple of things, but it doesn't even have to be the

same thing every week, but just two more things that will bring you.

Joy, relaxation.

You can go to your, what was it, the physio or the who, whatever

is for you, that you're focusing on yourself and on your wellbeing.

Okay?

and again, it doesn't have to be the same every time, as long as

you know that roughly every other day, you have this moment of.

I love myself.

This is for me, this is a moment without my kid, without my husband, without

the work, without anything where I'm really just giving myself the love that

I deserve, even if it's through a, a cruel, but beautiful physiotherapist.

Yes, I like that.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: you think?

You like it?

Okay, so let me just give you one, one.

Tip that might change your life.

Don't know if we discussed it before, but I think it's good to repeat.

you said I sit there and I go to myself.

Just do it.

Just do it.

Just do it.

And still, somehow, maybe it works or maybe it doesn't,

but there's a very cool trick.

It's called the Five Second Rule.

Mel Robbins, I think is her name, came up with it it's basically

counting down Whenever you have that voice that's like, just do it

like you know what you need to do.

Just freaking do it.

I call it the mommy voice moms always know best and no one ever listens to them.

That voice, when that voice comes up in your head, just count down.

It's important to count down from five to one.

Okay.

By magic, and I promise you this will happen.

You will get up and do whatever you need to do, and the science behind

it is that you basically wake up the prefrontal cortex, which is where we

make our executive decision making.

just takes so much energy to activate this part of the brain that it's

usually dormant while the loopy parts of our brain are functioning.

when we work on the five second rule, we're really waking up that

part and it's like, oh yeah, okay.

Grab the phone, book a few things.

It really works in a creepy way.

Share it with your husband.

Because for me, if I say, if I'm laying on the sofa and I'm watching Netflix and I'm

like, I'm so tired, I should go to bed.

My husband will be my 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

My husband will just be like, all right, here we go.

We're counting down, and then we just both get up and we'll go to bed.

So accountability partner with a good husband is really, really great.

Share that with him.

He might need that sometimes as well,

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: that works for you, for those moments when you.

that you should, but you're like, look, I can't.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone, mom.

I wanna do what I wanna do.

So that's the idea behind that.

What do you think?

I actually think this would do the trick it sounds like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: It will.

I promise.

I'm looking forward to hear how it goes.

just to reiterate, just quickly, circle of life, I will send over to you.

booking more things.

Let's say a week 'cause you have band.

things will be for you, even if it's just going for coffee alone.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Meditating, whatever.

uh, the five second rule that you can apply in order to book

those things that are for you.

Yeah.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Sound good?

Sounds really great.

Thank you.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: Okay, no problem dear.

So we're gonna talk in a couple of weeks.

If you're struggling in between, don't forget to let me know

Mm-hmm.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: and I can help you through it.

But I feel like you're at a good space right now and

things are starting to align.

finding an apartment, you know, just finding your space, getting

reconnected with your husband.

So let's ride that wave and

Yeah, let's do it.

Thank you so much.

Danna Levy Hoffmann: No problem Dina.

We'll speak soon.

Yes, bye.